


Joana Jalepeno.... wait who?

by AnAnYaH, kathiya_ramani



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Discussion about cross dressing, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Marriage Proposal, SO MUCH FLUFF, Sherlock singing, Texting, sweet stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 03:55:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20203312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnAnYaH/pseuds/AnAnYaH, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathiya_ramani/pseuds/kathiya_ramani
Summary: Even the great Sherlock Holmes is not above fumbling when he proposes marriage to John Watson. Therefore he prefers to text.





	Joana Jalepeno.... wait who?

**Author's Note:**

> When we role play, these kind of things happen.  
Enjoy.  
FYI, the texts on the left are from Sherlock and the texts on right side are John's.

_ My phone on the desk is vibrating incessantly and I know exactly who is texting me. I am unable to open them though. There is a continued flow of boring cases of sore throats , coughs, snotty noses and one nasty looking abscess on the butt of an old woman. Finally, I get to open them. _

4:32 PM

My Sherlock: Hey

4:33 PM 

My Sherlock: John..

4:33 PM

My Sherlock: John..

4:33 PM

My Sherlock: Johny

4:33 PM

My Sherlock: Johnny Boy!

4:33 PM

My Sherlock: Jaaawwwwn

4:33 PM

My Sherlock: Joooaaawwwwwnnnnn

_ Hrrrmph! _

_ I ignore them for the next patient. The mad man!! And I forget about the texts altogether, until after I wave goodbye to the staff and hit the road to the tube station. And guilt fills me. What if Sherlock was calling for help? What if he is sick? What if he has blown up the kitchen?? _

_ Chances are, he is only having a post case strop of a minor scale. _

_ I open the phone to see a single text, sent about a half hour ago. _

5.00PM

My Sherlock: Joana Jalapeno.

6:28 PM

Who?

6:29 PM

Who's Joana whatever?

6:31 PM

My Sherlock: Someone I met

_ Oh! _

6:41 PM

Where? Who?

6:41 PM

My Sherlock: Came to my flat..

6:42 PM

My Sherlock: A person !

6:42 PM

My Sherlock: A very pretty person

6:42 PM

A pop star? Red Hot Chili Peppers?You are only trying to get a rise out of me Sherlock. 

06:43 PM

Not falling to that trick

6:43 PM

There's no Joana

6:43 PM

My Sherlock: I think I am physically attracted to that person

6:43 PM

My Sherlock: What should I do?

_ That's it. That's definitely Sherlock trying to make me jealous so he can exact vengeance for my negligence earlier. _

_ Two can play at this game Mister Holmes. I licked my lips in satisfaction, like the proverbial cat who got the cream. _

6:43 PM

Here be NEWS! 

6:43 PM

Get help

6.43 PM

Call 911

6:44 PM

My Sherlock: You are my 911

6:44 PM

Good, I'm here, ain't i?

6:44 PM

My Sherlock: Tell me what to do

6:44 PM

Forget her? Whatever chilli pepper she is

6:44 PM

My Sherlock:Out of the question. How do I tell someone that I want to get my hands inside their pants?

6:45 PM

Excuse me can I get inside your pants?

6.45PM

My Sherlock : Won't that earn me a slap? I'm going to woo my way inside her pants John, understand! 

6:45 PM

Oh I'd like to see you try

6:46 PM

My Sherlock: U do?

_ Uh oh! I don't like the way he sounds. Not a bit. _

6.46 PM

No

6.47 PM

NO

6.47 PM

My Sherlock: U don't?

6.47PM

I don't

At least, not with anyone else

6:48 PM

My Sherlock: ?

6:48 PM

Wait

What has gotten into you

_ I get down at Tesco's, feeling a bit unsettled. _

6:49 PM

My Sherlock: I said I am very much attracted to that person.

6:49PM

My Sherlock: Not to mention ... Physically....

_ I'm sure I wasn't planning to buy six bottles of Thai Jalapeno vinegar sauce. I glower at them. _

7.05 PM

My Sherlock: But I have never initiated this kind of conversation , so tell me what to say...and I'll try to repeat after you?

7.06PM

We are not doing this

7.07PM

My Sherlock: Ok then don't ask me for any further help with your dates

7.07PM

AS IF YOU HELPED!! 

And I don't go on dates anymore, Sherlock, you know that !!!! Not after you

7.08PM

Why are we back to this?

7.09 PM

My Sherlock: OK. So...let's stop this. And do this in my own, blunt, unromantic, sociopathic manner. Go on a date with me, Joana?

7.09PM

Who?

Joana??

7.09 PM

My Sherlock: You are

7.10 PM

I know

You mad man

7.10PM

My Sherlock: Date?

7.10PM

What a way to ask me out

7.11PM

My Sherlock: Stupid way

7.12PM

Lovely, romantic, endearing, adorable

7.12PM

My Sherlock: Shut up. And sex afterwards?

7.12PM

Totally on board

_ I start walking towards home, thinking about picking up takeaway. I'm knackered, and I want an early night, with whatever it is cooking up in Sherlock's head. I'm not in the mood to make dinner. _

7.15PM

My Sherlock: I bought a gown for you…

7.15 PM

My Sherlock: Joana on board!!!

7.15PM

Not wearing thank you

7.15 PM

My Sherlock: We will see

7.16PM

You will not see anything other than you yourself wearing it by the end of the night, Sherlock. That's a promise.And I will fuck you while you are wearing it

7.16PM

My Sherlock: It won't fit me.Measures taken

7.16PM

Better

7.16PM

Fitting into it will be your challenge for the night.

7.16PM

Or I won't let you come

7.16PM

For a week

7.17PM

My Sherlock: No! This is rather unsettling... And I need you bad.. Wherever you are, come at once

7.18PM

Unsettling is one way to put it

_ Right now I am picturing him in a strapped gown of dark indigo, tight and short for him, clinging to the curves of his ass and…..and the picture is mouth watering. _

7.18PM

I got you hot and bothered. Sherlock, confess!

7.18PM

My Sherlock: Ok... Want a medal? 

7.18PM

Nah, just you in a pretty dress is enough for me. 

_ And running my fingers up-skirt mildly tickling his inner thighs, making him squirm, searching for the warmth in his perenium…… _

_ Really can't wait to get to him now! _

7.19PM

So I can pet my little kitten properly

7.19PM

My Sherlock: You always make me wear what I intend to gift you: Not fair

7.19PM

My Sherlock: And not happening this time.

7.20PM

[We know how it went last time](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19371577) baby!Andj the thought of you in a pretty dress makes me so hard I can't walk

7.20PM

My Sherlock: Then take a cab

7.20

Not everyone of us peasants

can hail cabs out of thin air like Your Highness! 

7.20PM

My Sherlock: Come home soon!

_ (I can almost see him stamping his feet ) _

7.20PM

I intend to

7.20PM

My Sherlock: I really can't wait to get inside your pants.

7.21PM

Me neither

What color is it? The GOWN!

7.21PM

My Sherlock: 😉

My Sherlock: White!❤️

7.21PM

I rather wished it was Indigo. Or purple. Or blue. You'd look gorgeous in those colors 

7.21PM

My Sherlock: Bridal colours Joana, You are my little bride. I bought the dress for you, remember? 

7.22PM

Ha ha cute

7.22PM

My Sherlock: To me you are.

7.22PM

Good

7.22PM

My Sherlock: My little blond wife

7.22PM

LITTLE? 

So help me!

You are welcome to kneel before me, 

You smug giraffe!

7.22PM

That picture rather makes me harder

7.23PM

my Sherlock: Giraffe? Didn't know you had a bestiality kink. 

7.23PM

not the giraffe, you idiot. The picture of u kneeling before me, wearing a pretty dress

7.23PM

My Sherlock:Yes! I wish to kneel before you tonight John!But only for this💍

_ Wait. _

_ What? _

_ WHAT???? _

_ my brain goes offline for a few precious moments. _

7.24PM

Did you just…?

7.24PM

My Sherlock: Yep

7.24PM

My Sherlock: Come home, John! 

7.24PM

Did I just hear what I heard?

7.25PM

My Sherlock: U did… Only if.. Only if you are amenable John… there's no….

7.25PM

Oh god, 

you don't do this to me,

when I am not there with u.

7.25PM

My Sherlock: John... I love you

_ (Oh GOD! oh Christ!! I break into a sprint.) _

7.25PM

Stop it Sherlock! Wait till I get home to u.

7.25PM

Oh god

7.26PM

You!!!

7.26PM

My Sherlock: It is not impossible for me to fumble while actually speaking this sort of thing and hence the texting...so I want you to know that…

7.26PM

Wait!

7.26PM

My Sherlock: Well...let me finish John!

7.27PM

I'm at the front door, let me come to you!

_ I have never climbed the seventeen stairs as fast as I did just now. Where are you? _

_ I have been expecting something phenomenal, because with Sherlock such things were everyday occurrences. But I wasn't ready for this. _

_ I wasn't ready for him kneeling in the middle of the room, waiting for me, as if in front of the altar. I wasn't ready for the momentary flicker of vulnerability in his eyes, which has instantly flooded over with such intensely passionate love upon seeing me. I wasn't ready for the sweet perfume of the aromatic candles burning in the living room, or the ethereal way his marble-like face glows in the candle light. _

_ Practical things like grocery bags and sense of reality slip from my grasp. _

_ I rush to him!, my mind in a whirl and my heart hammering in my chest! _

" Sherlock!"

_ He looks down with a shy smile, puts his hand into his pocket and brings out the ring. _

_ He looks up from beneath the shadows of his eyelashes , searching for my eyes _. 

"John?"

I don't think my knees can hold me up any more. I go down on my knees before him. 

"Oh god Sherlock!"

"I do...I do, Sherlock"

_ I hold his dear face between my hands, my lovely man, and if we are both tearing up a bit, we are not making any remarks on it. _

" Since you are taking time to ask….Will you marry me? Will you have me as your husband,Sherlock?......Till death doth us apart? "

_ Sherlock chuckles. _

_ It coaxes out a responding chuckle from me _. 

"Oh! John! Yes !" 

he nods frantically in assent. 

_ I then tip his head and kiss him gently , sweetly, but thoroughly and I fear my heart might burst out of the rib cage. _

Sherlock sighs into my mouth, elated. 

The moment I let go, Sherlock soldiers on. 

"I….I wanted to say a lot of thing,

but the only thing that sums up everything...is...Is.."

I can remember less than a handful of times when Sherlock stammered. 

"John...Thank you…. 

Thank you for being with me…. "

_ And then he starts singing! _

"I call you when I need you

When my heart's on fire

You come to me, come to me

Wild and wired…."

_ I have never heard him singing. His singing voice is a shy call of a young lover, a deep yet a gentle caress. _

_ And it's the most endearing thing I have ever seen, I burn with love ! _

"......You come to me,

Give me everything I need

Give me a lifetime of promises

And a world of dreams…."

_ He is more confident now, looking at me with that smile he saves only for me… ardent and sweet… and he touches my cheek with his fingertips. _

"...Speak the language of love

Like you know what it means

It can't be wrong

Take my heart and make it strong, baby….."

_ And his rich voice and sheer passion makes such simple words sound like an epic poem of love! _

"You're [Simply the best](https://youtu.be/vLMO8wWls0o)

Better than all the rest

Better than anyone

Anyone I've ever met

I'm stuck on your heart

I hang on every word you say

Tear us apart

Baby, I would rather be dead "

_ I sob. _

'oh! You're the best'

_ And he rests his head on my shoulder, nuzzling my neck, and murmurs, _

_ " I sing,_ _make a fool of myself,_

_ and still won't be ashamed. " he chuckles, warm breath kisses the side of my neck. " I sing only for John watson" _

" I don't deserve you, love, but I'll strive to be worthy of youfor the rest of my humble existence " I tell him. " Wait, are we saying wedding vows? No, we are not doing this. We are not saying the wedding wows here, Sherlock. We are gonna have a proper wedding"

"I hate people" he whines ." No ceremony. Please...why can't we just get married first thing tomorrow morning? "

"Please, no, I want to- Sherlock, just this once, humor me. Because I want to do this in front of the whole world. I want to tell everyone that I have claimed the love of the wisest, the best and , the most gorgeous man and that I am his man. Sherlock, for me? Please? "

_ And when I say that particular line, ( with the added effect of puppy eyes ), I know that there's nothing Sherlock is able to deny me. _

"Ok... If that's what you want…..And Mycroft is going to be my best man.I want to watch him give a speech"

"You want to torture him on our wedding day?"

" Yes!! Please?

" That's evil, Sherlock. And I don't even think I wanna see his fat ass next to me the whole day!"

"And we'll Ask Greg to record it"

" Poor Greg. Wait! You said Greg... It's a day of miracles!!!"

"Yeah… but don't tell him I said that! Don't Give him the satisfaction" 

I bite my lips, thirsty for the taste of his .

"I won't"

"Now what? "

_ He is so adorable and flustered _.

"Now I kiss you again"

"Hmmm"

_ And that's what I do. Kiss him thoroughly. Never crossing the line of being filthy but very, very close and he shivers when I let go. _

" People. They call me a lot of things, 

Some say I am a freak, some say I am a mad man, that I am either a genius or a fake, but I know what I am now! Want to know, John? "

" Yes, love?"

" Your man.

I am your man, and that's how people will know me" ., he says, kissing me back. "Mr.Watson"

" Watson-Holmes" I tell him between kisses, never taking my lips away from his, "......And the whole world will be wrong to call you any other way"

_ His eyes are moist, lips kiss-swollen...so….beautiful and mine _

"How did I get so lucky?" 

_ Im whispering. Because I'm losing coherence of reality. _

"Mike Stamford"

"Hmm?"

"Mike Stamford,the doctor?

He brought you to me. He made us lucky."

_ I smile. _

"We owe him"

"We owe him a fat time"

"That pun was deliberate"

"Guilty as charged"

_ I'm watching him laugh, basking in the comfort of this easy camaraderie between us. This gorgeous man, this superbly intelligent , utterly humane human being, who has gone through hellfire and came back for me….it's surreal that he thinks I'm worthy of him. I'm aware of the besotted smile that I have on my face, and I let him see. All of the love I have. _

" Kiss me , will you?" He asks, his face suddenly serious .

"Of course," my voice is gruff, so I clear my throat…" you are mine to kiss now, husband"

"John!"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you"

"What for?

" Thank you, for giving me this…"

"I'm nothing without you, Sherlock "

"Now take me to your bed,husband!"

"Wear the dress, bride"

**Author's Note:**

> If you have read and enjoyed this, please leave us kudos and comments because.....well who are we kidding? Your authors love them.
> 
> The song Sherlock sings is " The Best" by Tina Turner. But what inspired AnAnYah ( yeah, that's my Sherlock ), was Noah Reid's acoustic version in Schitt's Creek. The link is up there. Check it out. It's beautiful. 
> 
> And if you want to know how John made Sherlock wear his red pants the other day, read " Daddy's Day" by your co-authors. The link is up there. Oh, it's smutty Bdw.... Fair warning
> 
> and what happens when sherlock wears the dress?   
i guess thats a story for another day


End file.
